Pen Marks

The hardest thing to go through in life, is when you are obliged to say goodbye to the one’s you love. Even if the good bye isnt forever, but still just by saying it you find yourself drowned by your tears and surrounded by sadness. You start realizing that a crucial part in you shall vanish or shall drift away from you after holding on to it very tightly.

But when you come to think of it again, you ask yourself “what about those who leave their loved one’s to battle for islam?”or “those innocent people who have been killed and their families were forced to say “good” bye to them?”

How do you expect them to feel when they say good bye?

Many people tell you that you should be strong…yet you find yourself no matter how strong you try to be a tiny part in your heart remains vulnerable then this tiny part overpowers your heart and you find yourself fully weak.

Although not all goodbye’s mean death, or a negative separation. Some good bye’s could mean “see you next weekend” or“see you after the vacation”. However because of how close a person is to you, you refuse to give them up and let fate join you back again.

This is just a reminder to us all, that someday sometime we may lose a close person either voluntary or involuntary so we should seize every moment we spend with them..

If the future looms then the past lingers. It’s all there, a part of me I leave behind. Whether it be on the blog, on forums I’ve participated in, things I’ve said to people, my moments of anger, my moments of passion, my grade 4 report card. It is all there, a part of me that has happened.

But the past is gone. I cannot change it, I cannot control it. It has happened and that is that. I don’t have full control over the future, but the future does offer an illusion of control.

So yes, the future, it scares me. How can any one with certainty say “tomorrow” or“next year”? “Next year” is even scarier than “tomorrow” because there are hundreds of “tomorrows” within a “next year”.

“Oh, I missed the event? I’ll go next year.”
“Let’s meet up next week.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

How can one be so certain? I certainly cannot.

I suppose this is why we say “inshallah”. An insurance of sorts, or recognition of the certainty we’ve uttered but by ourselves cannot afford. Saying inshallah has now become a second nature for me. Often I’ll find myself saying it or typing it when it’s not even needed.

So, today is an opportunity, tomorrow is a privilege.